When weighing the pros and cons of yet another costly summer activity, we as
adults tend to focus on the mature things. How
much is this gonna cost? Can I get the time off work? Is it educational for the
kids? Will this provide too much structure, not enough structure, build
relationships, promote independence, increase physical exercise, allow for
creativity, encourage teamwork, stimulate without over-stimulating, etc., etc.,
etc.
But,
what if we were to take a minute and allow ourselves to be immature…. Just for
a moment. If we were to look deep down into the darkest crevices of our souls,
we’d all come to the same conclusion.
Amusement
parks are for adults, not kids.
Don’t
believe me? Take a look at my top 10 reasons why YOU should go to an amusement
park this summer and tell me this doesn’t sound like
perfection?
10) Mandated
weight loss-
Over
this past weekend, my husband and I took our family to Kennywood, our local
Pittsburgh amusement park. After realizing it would be nuts to wrangle 4 kids
alone, we invited two more. And then we recruited husband’s mother and brother
for help so that we returned home with the same number of kids that we left
with. Not only did we sweat profusely in the 95 degree weather, but we walked a
total of 9 miles each throughout the
course of our 8-hour day.
We
know this because 1) or clothes were drenched well before we ever hit the first
water ride, and 2) my husband kept track of our steps with the handy-dandy step
tracker on his iphone. Add in pushing two strollers loaded up with supplies,
diaper bags, water bottles, umbrellas, towels, snacks, and two large toddlers,
and I’m pretty sure we burned at least 73,000 calories each. Pretty sure.
9) Delayed
gratification-
We
all want our kids to let go of the “Microwave Mentality”, don’t we? Many of the
best things in life require time, energy, diligence. Very few things of worth
are just granted to us with a simple push of a button on a tablet or by sending
a text. What better way to teach our kids the importance of delayed
gratification than having them stand in an amusement park line?
Want
to buy a ticket? Get in line. Need a frozen lemonade? Take a number. Have to
ride the fastest roller coaster in the park? That’ll be an hour… at least. Your child will walk away from
this experience far more patient than they came. Either that or they will
realize that some things are worth the wait while other things can be skipped
without the world coming to a crashing halt. Either way, you win.
8) The Law of Natural
Consequences-
Another
fantastic lesson that an amusement park will teach your children for you is to listen to their mother. How many times,
Moms, do we say the same things over and over ad nauseum, only to be ignored?
Let your local thrill joint take the pressure off. Say it once and let the Law
of Natural Consequences take over. Wear
comfortable shoes, not pretty ones. Pee now because we won’t be hiking to another
bathroom in 10 minutes for you. Carry your water bottle with you at all times. Space
out the spinny rides!
Any
of these sound familiar? If you’re anything like me, you’ve said these things a
million times on a million different trips and your children continue to think
you’re joking or something. But amusement parks are a great place to (pardon
the overused phrase) let it go. Say it once and move on, Mamas. Blisters? Exploding
bladders? Thirsty? Going to puke? Tell it to the Ticketmaster, kiddos, because
Mama can’t hear you over the noise of the coasters, music, and the joy of natural
consequences screaming “I told you so!”
7)
You will feel better about your parenting-
This
will happen, not because you’ve done such a remarkable job throughout those
long winter months, but because of probablity. Statistically speaking, the odds
of your child being the worst kid at
the park are far less than when you make your usual Walmart run. In a sea of
thousands of children, there’s even a decent chance that your kid will come out
looking like an honorary saint, even after
he races from his seat on the ride and pushes the big, red start button with
his chubby little hand. Sure, the staff will scream and parents will run to
save their children from impending doom….
But
in 10 minutes, some other knuckleheaded child will do something even dumber,
leaving you to look like an amazing parent. (Despite the 5 minute tantrum your
child threw after being removed from the ride for his unsavory actions…. True story.)
6) Your children will
grow closer to God-
Want
your son or daughter to be more God-fearing? Let them face the possibility of
death as they mount that first roller coaster hill. The “I’m gonna die!” and “Oh,
dear GOD!!” phrases will pour forth like wild fire from their little lips.
Prayers and promises to never lie again should all be recorded, so keep your
phones handy on all rides.
5) Positive peer
pressure-
Do
you have a particularly wussy kid? Yeah, me too. Amusement parks allow a parent
to let peer pressure work in their favor for once. Naturally there will always
be those thrill-seekers that want to ride the biggest coaster- no screaming,
eyes open, arms in the air. Will they poke fun at your weakling for peeing
their pants a little while waiting in line? May they throw out names like “Sissy”
and “Nancy Pants” to your kid? Is there a possibility that your child will ride
the scariest coaster on the planet (or the Tilt-o-Whirl, whatever) and still
come off hating coasters? Yep.
But
there’s also the possibility that your wimpy child may face his fears and find
that they actually like the ride!
Even more possible is that they will enjoy telling everyone for the next 3
years about the time that they rode the biggest coaster in the world and how
they lived to tell about it. War stories aren’t just for veterans, people.
4) Your kids will
finally understand what your pregnancy was like-
When
your precious little monster acts like a colossal brat, the first thing you
want to tell them is just how long you carried them in your womb, what they did
to your body, how you never ever slept
again, and that you brought them into this world and have no problem taking
them right back out! Mamas, let me introduce you to the world of Spinny Rides. Send
your little nugget of joy on three spinnies in a row. (Just three now, no need
to hospitalize the kid or anything.) And as they begin to turn green, ask them
to remember this moment.
Remember the nausea, remember the
dizziness, remember the need to lie down and close your eyes to stop the world
from spinning. Feel like you’re going to die, sweetheart? Well, THAT is what I
went through for 9 month!. Remember THAT the next time you want to throw a
tantrum in the middle of Applebees, darling. They will have a
new appreciation for the sacrifice that you made for them. They may even rise
up and call you blessed.
3) Teach them the value
of money-
How many times do you walk
through the store and get pestered incessantly about making extra purchases? You’ve
heard how they neeeeeed Twinkies for
their lunch boxes and how they have to
have the Timberlands just like everyone else in their class. I can solve
this problem for you within the first 20 minutes of being at the park. Tell
your children that all of their meals and drinks have been packed for them
because you are, in fact, a loving and organized mother.
And then tell them that you’ve
brought their weekly allowance for them to use in the park if they feel they have to have extras. And then lay the
final blow. Repeat these words verbatim to your children. I have left my wallet and all monetary devices in the car.
There
will definitely be gasps. There will probably be fainting. Some may require use
of their inhalers. Do not panic. The over-priced snacks and ridiculously
expensive arcades will be all your child needs to remind them that no one has
ever, in fact, neeeeded a Twinky.
2)
You’re allowed to laugh at your kids-
Oh, but I could never! Yes. Yes you can. When your child is
rubber-necking and taking it all in, causing him to walk straight into a large
woman with bountiful cleavage, you most certainly are allowed to laugh. When
your daughter death grips your arm on a KiddieLand roller coaster, you will and
must laugh. When your toddler is
rendered immobile as Dumbo flies from 1 foot off the ground to 2, you will
giggle as tears stream down your face. Hey, you may even find yourself rocking
the Ferris wheel cage a little, just to give yourself one more chuckle at your
child’s expense before calling it a day.
1)
They will sleep like logs-
There is literally nothing like a
day of terror and over-stimulation to knock out even the biggest insomniac.
After crashing from sugar rushes, coming off of coaster highs, and walking half
a marathon, it is likely that your son or daughter will sleep the following
morning away. You may feel the urge to check on them, just to make sure they’re
fine. But trust me, Mama…. They’re good. They’re more than good. Because they
got to spend an entire day with you – laughing, learning valuable lessons, and getting
in some quality family time. Let this peaceful moment wash over you before they
wake up and find something to complain about.
Why should you go to an
amusement park this summer? Because You need
to. There’s gonna be screaming and laughing and messes and lost
sunglasses/hats/keys/phones. There will be junk food and incorrect head counts,
chaos and missed naptimes. And it will be the best memory you have for years to
come.
