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WE HAVE MOVED TO A NEW SITE!!! http://www.mommyhood-shivonne-costa.squarespace.com/ As of June 18, 2015, this is our new location. Please come join us!! I started blogging the week I got married. I thought it would be nice to blog the full first year, you know, to cherish those memories and share them with my family and friends. Little did I know, it was going to be my greatest coping skill for the craziness that comes with marriage! I found writing to be a fantastic way to reframe an ugly marital spat into a humorous event, allowing me to smile at the situation by the end of the post. And now, I am honored to share my struggles and joys of fostering, adopting, birthing, and raising 4 beautiful children. It's my hope that others gain laughter and new ways to see their own frustrating life situation through my writing. Because I love to write! PS, look for me on Facebook - "Mommyhood-Shivonne Costa"

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Hope Springs Eternal

     My husband and I have been married for three years. Three years seems like such a short period of time, and yet, as we've reflected on ALL that has taken place during this time span, it feels as though we've lived a lifetime and a half! My biggest dream growing up was always to be a mother. As I got a bit older, I realized that I wanted other things as well... to help others, to have a job that required me to show compassion to the underdogs of society, to pursue music, to write, to love God and my family with my whole heart. After year 1 of marriage, it looked as if I was going to have to abandon one of my most precious goals in life: Motherhood. Crushed and exhausted from fertility pills that made me super-sick, we moved to Plan B: Foster Care.
     With so many children in need of placement, surely, we thought, we would get a child immediately! Ahh, but let us not forget the months of paperwork followed by the months of waiting. More Waiting!! Was it possible that even needy children weren't meant for us? Good grief!! If I can't have my own and I can't help someone elses', what was left? But lo and behold, after almost a year into the fostering process, we got the call. TWO children instead of one.... what a deal!! Two weeks after their arrival, CYS asked us to consider adopting them. Um.... they obviously haven't seen me mother... I'm really not very good! I always thought I would be this awesome Mom, but I've realized that I basically stink at it! But our hearts did what our brains couldn't.... and we said "Yes".
     Several months later, Baby Isaac came along. I'm pretty sure most of our family thought we were crazy by this point! Afterall, we were dealing with some "fun" and "interesting" behaviors (both from the kids AND from us!), but we figured that adding their baby brother to the mix would be worth it in the end. P.S. It was.
     Fast forward 9 months.... Both Cameron and Taylor have been adopted, Isaac is set for adoption, and then the bomb hits. Words like "biological father" and "reunification" started haunting my dreams and turning my stomach sour. After a month and a half, Isaac left us for good. Grateful for weekend visits, Pat and I tried to compose ourselves for the sake of each other and for Cameron and Taylor.... we left our weeping for late at night, in the privacy of our cars, our pillows, and the great outdoors.
     What I didn't tell you in last night's post is that Sunday night, just after returning Isaac to his father for what we thought to be the final time, we had one more change of events. My husband was at the video store, walking the isles in tears, desperate to find something to distract him from the great loss Isaac left in him. I was at home, getting sick with grief....literally. I texted him repeatedly, as he was taking an unusually long time. He assured me he would be home soon. I waited on the couch for him anxiously, knowing that the day had been more than we could handle, but that I was going to do what I could to cheer him. So, when my hubby walked through the door, the first thing I did was put my arms around him and we both cried. And the second thing I did was present him with a present:


     I realized that God loves poetry more than even I, because no one could have written this more poetically if they had tried. On the very night we lose one baby, God grants us another. Pat and I stared at the tests with their beautiful, pink, double lines, and we did the only thing we could in the moment. We laughed. It was much needed laughter in a moment that we were feeling so much sadness. We we overjoyed, nervous, and broken, all in the same moment, and laughter was the best release we found! After further thought, our giggles continued, because, not only had I not ovulated in 3 years, but we had only had a week of "sexy time" in a two month span due to feeling so distraught over Isaac. We made time for the obligatory "stress relief" that is supposed to occur for one's anniversary, and that was it! So, one egg in three years just happened to occur during a particularly long dry spell we were in? I don't think so. This has miracle written all over it! And that's exactly how I will always see it.
     Our little bean-shaped baby is 7-weeks along and due May 8th. Baby Bean's heart beat was small but strong. Watching the tiny flashes of light signifying Bean's heartrate filled me with such a peace that I haven't felt in years. I no longer have to imagine what this "would have been like". It's here. It's my moment. My baby. A baby that no one can ever take away. There has always been Hope... but Hope Realized is soooo much cooler! Ladies and Gentelmen, meet Baby Bean.


10 comments:

  1. I'm crying! I'm soooo happy for you two... I have been praying and praying for so long that this would happen.... deep down I knew it would, it was just when the time was right... God could not have picked better timing than this... like you said--what poetry!

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  2. What else can we say but PRAISE GOD! Our prayers have been answered and God knew the perfect time. We are forever grateful and we anticipate such good reports in the days ahead both for Baby Bean , Mama , Daddy and bro and sis as well as for Baby Bear. So a new chapter in this story begins and I for one cannot wait to continue reading.....our cups are full and runneth over .....:-)

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  3. All I can say is "unbelievable". I serve a MIGHTY GOD who gives us the desire of our hearts. Tears are flowing and I don't really even know you, Shivone or Pat. God bridges the gap in all things! Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful news.

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  4. I am so happy for you guys!! Your very own little miracle. God works in mysterious ways. Enjoy every second of being pregnant.

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  5. I am so happy for you guys!! Your very own little miracle. God works in mysterious ways. Enjoy every second of being pregnant.

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  6. Wow!!! Shivonne, I am so thrilled for you and your growing family!!! I knew from the moment we met you would be a mother! A great mother!!! Congratulations!!!! God bless you!

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  7. I am sooooooo very very happy for you!! You and Pat deserve a miracle and now your ever growing family will be complete :)

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  8. this is Chaqnnas mom stopped to pick baby up befoire i take friend to radiation and was ABLE TO READ tyour blog i am crying God always kn ows when to reveal his plan and i am so+thrilled for you wonderful people God bless you and your wonderful family and this new little miraacle growing inside Mommy7 (RaeAnna uis hekping me wriye this)

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  9. Today at work I was told this EXACT story from someone who loves you very much! (I can't say who since stupid hippa laws are in place) but I work for Marty Lapa :) He says to tell you congrats & I will absolutely be following this to keep updated on your story! :)You're in my prayers :)

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  10. Just so u knoo I was bored n looking thru facebook n saw ur cute pics of the kids on my feed then came across thiss n I have chills the from reading it!I had to tell my husband bc its such a beautiful "story" n his response " GOD. that's all There is to say.. " ...congratulations!!!and best wishes in everything!! :):)

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