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WE HAVE MOVED TO A NEW SITE!!! http://www.mommyhood-shivonne-costa.squarespace.com/ As of June 18, 2015, this is our new location. Please come join us!! I started blogging the week I got married. I thought it would be nice to blog the full first year, you know, to cherish those memories and share them with my family and friends. Little did I know, it was going to be my greatest coping skill for the craziness that comes with marriage! I found writing to be a fantastic way to reframe an ugly marital spat into a humorous event, allowing me to smile at the situation by the end of the post. And now, I am honored to share my struggles and joys of fostering, adopting, birthing, and raising 4 beautiful children. It's my hope that others gain laughter and new ways to see their own frustrating life situation through my writing. Because I love to write! PS, look for me on Facebook - "Mommyhood-Shivonne Costa"

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Son Punching Prayer

     Lord, help me not to punch my son.
     It's been a long, long couple of weeks. We survived numerous Christmas parties, breakfast with Santa, a trip to Michigan, a Christmas pageant, two birthday parties for the now 7-year-old (complete with little girl sleep-over), a teething and not sleeping baby, a potty-training toddler, and a sinus infection/bronchitis/pneumonia mix. We made the cookies, we sang the carols, we bought the batteries for the toys. We did it all....
     We did it all and I didn't punch him, not even once. And this is how I know the grace of God is a real and functioning part of my faith, because without it, there would've been swinging and literal gnashing of teeth. So, this is my new prayer. I've decided that I have succeeded in my job as a mother as long as I can make it through the day without socking him directly in the nose. Feeding them, bathing them, tutoring them... these things all fall by the wayside in the light of simply not wailing on them from sun-up to sun-down. And you know, it really takes the pressure off when you only have one goal to focus on!
     When he was caught in a lie this week: "Mom, YOU'RE the liar, not me! You're going to the devil and I don't even care! So is Dad!"

     Lord, help me not to punch my son.

     When he told his aunt that he didn't like the gift she gave him and that he wanted money instead, then proceeded to look at my beautiful meal and say that I made all gross food....

     Lord, help me not to punch my son.

     When he tore his room apart and threw all of his brand new toys into the wall because he got grounded for acting like a complete moron all week....

     Lord, help me not to punch my son.

     When he almost tore his closet door off and spent 15 minutes blaming ME for losing his swim towel....

     Lord, help me not to punch my son.

     When he magically lost the ability to read so that I would be forced to do his math homework for him and I called him out on it.... and he proceeded to stick his tongue out and make rude gestures behind my back even though I could see his reflection in the kitchen window the entire time.... and he lied about doing these ridiculous things and then blamed his sister for them.....

     Lord, help me not to shove my foot so far up my son's backside that it comes out of his lying little throat.......!

     I know.... my son has problems. He has diagnoses and takes medication and needs a great deal of understanding. But then again, the same could be said about Pol Pot or Hitler, and I'm betting that their mothers wanted to punch them, too. Along with a large number of other people they encountered.... and, honestly, there are some people that just need a good knock in the head to set them straight. Maybe there would've been less genocide going on if more people would've just punched these crazed tyrants when they were acting like snot-nosed-imbeciles. Now I'm not going to go as far as to say that my son will turn into a ruthless dictator if he's not set straight, but it's just a chance I'm not willing to take.
     Therefore, my prayer is that the Lord help me not to punch my son.... but if someone else were to punch him, say, a sister or a ticked off classmate, I wouldn't exactly hate them for giving him a taste of his own medicine. Especially since every consequence I've given him in the last few weeks has been met with a nasty "I don't care" or "So what?".  I don't care?? So what??? These may just be the lines I feed back to him when he comes to me crying about a black eye that he received on the school bus....
     Except you and I both know I can't really say that (can I?). I'll have to come up with something wise and motherly and mature.... something that points him in the right direction with just the perfect amount of compassion and I-told-you-so-edness. I have to make myself do the Christian thing and pray for him and all his nastiness.... God knows I've had my own share of it that I've dealt out in my own life at times. And I bet there were people (or parents) that wanted to punch me at times, too. I'm feeling rather grateful that they didn't.
     And so tomorrow I will pray my prayer again. And I will purchase a heavy bag to hang in the basement. And I will hit the bag many times every day. And I will remind myself that my son is not a jerk. And I might believe it sometimes, too. And it will be okay. Everything will eventually be okay.


  1. Shivonne, I always appreciate your honesty on your blog. You know, I never used to think of myself as an angry person, that is until I had three children. Specifically, 3 kids 5 and under. In the past 2 months I've shocked myself with some of the emotive behavior I've demonstrated in front of the kids. Like this morning, when in total frustration, I threw down three books on our hope chest with a resounding smack, loud enough to scare the two older kids to tears. Well, Sonya was already crying before that. Even with all the apologizing and asking for forgiveness that I did, I'm still afraid that one day my kids will look back and think of me as scary mommy. Sigh...

    1. Oh my gosh you are wonderful wonderful women for adding to the realization I am NORMAL! I still don't forgive myself for screaming and kicking the child's box of blocks across the LR on day 18 of Christmas vacation (and yes,making him cry .. but he stopped throwing those blocks! ;-) but I have more confirmation I am NORMAL!

  2. Joylynn, I'm hoping that our momentary (or daily!) lapses in reactive parenting will only show our kids that 1) parents are humans with limits too, 2) parents need grace DAILY, and 3) we can be angry with them and still love them. As long as thy get those things, I think they'll understand .... And if not, then baby hitlers would basically be filling the earth as we speak!!

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