About Me

My photo
WE HAVE MOVED TO A NEW SITE!!! http://www.mommyhood-shivonne-costa.squarespace.com/ As of June 18, 2015, this is our new location. Please come join us!! I started blogging the week I got married. I thought it would be nice to blog the full first year, you know, to cherish those memories and share them with my family and friends. Little did I know, it was going to be my greatest coping skill for the craziness that comes with marriage! I found writing to be a fantastic way to reframe an ugly marital spat into a humorous event, allowing me to smile at the situation by the end of the post. And now, I am honored to share my struggles and joys of fostering, adopting, birthing, and raising 4 beautiful children. It's my hope that others gain laughter and new ways to see their own frustrating life situation through my writing. Because I love to write! PS, look for me on Facebook - "Mommyhood-Shivonne Costa"

Monday, October 1, 2012

Goodbye and Goodnight

     This evening was the final visit Taylor had with her biological mother. She was given one last visit to say her final good-byes before we complete the adoption process. We expected great fall-out. We expected tears, tantrums, misbehavior, or, at the very least, a rift between siblings (as Cameron is still required to have visits for the time being). However, what we DIDN'T expect was calmness. But, hey, I decided to roll with it (naturally) because I couldn't see the point in ruining a good thing by attacking it with questions! And then, she dropped the bomb..... Taylor was in the middle of talking about her visit when she referred to her biological mother, not as "Mommy" as she always has, but as "Mama". This is the name that we've been using for myself, since she already has several "Mommy"s in her life and we wanted me to have a special name that was unattached to the other women.
     "Mama." One word. One broken heart. It was like a sucker punch that you're not prepared for. The one that takes the wind out of you and your brain struggles to wrap around. The one that comes from a best friend and offers a feeling of betrayal followed by bitter tears. It actually took me several seconds to realize  she was asking me a question and that I needed to respond. So I had her repeat herself and I quickly answered, moving on to something to keep me busy and keep the tears at bay. Puzzles.... yes, that would do the trick! Let's do an alphabet puzzle. That way, even if my kids never attach to me, at least they won't be stupid.
     So, we spent the next hour doing alphabet puzzles, number puzzles, and color puzzles. They learned, they had fun, and then they got ready for bed. We read our story, did our prayers, and had a tuck in. I spent a few extra minutes with Taylor, since Cam had pooped out on us halfway through the story and started sawing logs. It was in those last few moments before bed that I did those embarrassing things that people do with their kids that they would never do if they knew a non-family member were watching. Afterall, it's ok to look crazy in front of your kids, but not in front of, say, your co-workers or the neighbors. For instance, if I pretended  to bite my boss' nose off, I doubt she would belly-laugh the same way my daughter did. And if I bounced random grocery store attendees up and down until they couldn't breathe, I'd be looking at a lawsuit instead of a beaming child. After I was done looking insane, I gave her one last tuck in, complete with hug and kiss, and I told her goodnight.
     I ducked into my room and was just slipping into my pajamas, allowing myself a moment to process the earlier string of emotions that threatened to spill over. This is when another unexpected event happened. I heard her tiny, little, Minnie Mouse voice call from the next room, "You're my bestest.... I love you as much as the sky."
     Silent smile joined by silent tears.
     "And I love YOU as much as the ocean," I said back.
     "I love your ocean, too."
     "Goodnight, Tay."
     "Goodnight, Mama."


  1. SMILE. She is attaching herself to you "mama"; she just has so much confusion in her little mind to process all of this much less express it. It doesn't take away from you but one day soon, it will be only you "the bestest mama" that will fill her life and you two will have a special "mother/daughter" relationship and it will bring love, peace and joy to her little heart and to yours too my dear. xoxo Your mama and papa

  2. I agree Pandora, You are the mama.